i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
