she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
