New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
