i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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