whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
