I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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