Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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