On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
