thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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