My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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