My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
