I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
