By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
