I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
