Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
