Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
