he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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