is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
