I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
