I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
