It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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