a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
