sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
