Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
