I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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