i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
