Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
