you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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