Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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