hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
