Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
