I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
