we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
