When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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