i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
