Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I smell like Dick and happiness
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