Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
