I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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