Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
