were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
