i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
