There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
