I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
