first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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