You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
