mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
