Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
