The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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