i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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