He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
