I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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